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    "Before Jesus, my life was one long, endless quest for love.  Growing up, I had no father and few friends, the latter of which was hardly surprising, considering I was selfish, rude and angry most of the time.  To make matters worse, I was also clumsy, bookish and I wore thick glasses.  Needless to say, I was often teased.

    I had an extremely low self-esteem, and I tried constantly to be what I thought others wanted me to be, but somehow, it never worked.  No one seemed to want me.  The older I got, the angrier I became, although I buried this anger.

    Anger turned to rebellion as I slowly bled to death inside from the countless emotional scars I had received.  I drifted from peer group to peer group, desperately seeking someone who would love me.

    As for Jesus, I had always known about and believed in His existence.  In fact, I considered myself to be a Christian, thinking that belief in His reality was the only requirement.  As for the actual Christians that I met, most were legalistic, focusing on hair length and things like not wearing make-up and jewelry.  I began to get a suspicion that God wanted something more than my belief in Him, but if that something was to be like these people, I wasn't interested.

    He pursued me gently.  At age seventeen, He came to me in a dream, had extended, palm up.  Weeping, I placed a coin in His hand.  When I woke, I was more certain that ever that God wanted something, but I had no idea what.  Unable to figure it out, I forgot the incident and continued on my path of destruction.

    Life continued to batter me.  Three close relatives died within a seven year period.  My health faltered: I began having seizure-like episodes.  Depression overwhelmed me, and I played with thoughts of suicide.  In the midst of this confusing time, I married and transferred al my hopes to my husband, thinking at last that I would be loved and fulfilled.  And he did love me-which made it all the harder to understand why I still felt so empty inside.

    Jesus came into my life so subtly I was hooked before I knew it.  By chance (ha!), I came upon a television call-in program featuring a pastor who answered callers' questions about the Bible.  I had always been interested in the Bible, so I began watching regularly.  The pastor explained repeatedly how to be saved.  At the same time, God brought into my life a Christian couple who displayed by their lives what it really meant to be a Christian.  They were totally unlike the legalistic Christians I had met.  Their silent testimony and the teachings of the pastor won me over.

    On a warm day in May, 1995, I surrendered my life to the Lord.  I haven't enough words to describe how He's changed my life.  He healed me of my fears and made me a person who strives for integrity.  He surrounded me with Christians who love me, and He has blessed me materially too many times to count.

    As for my emotional state, He is still working there.  He has healed me of unforgiveness toward those who hurt me, and He has helped me to face the anger inside.  Most importantly, He assures me that I am loved, which its he ambrosia for which my soul has hungered all along.

   If you don't know Him, I urge you to get to know Him!  He is the only thing that satisfies.

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